The following letters were found in the pockets of an Avatar Country soldier on the fields of the great battle of Download outside of Paris, France:
“Avatar Country Boot Camp; January 12 in the year of the King
I hope this letter finds you well. I haven’t received any of yours lately, but that’s alright. Knowing you’re out there somewhere waiting for me keeps me going. We’ve been crawling through mud for days on end. They’ve
drilled us to our bare bones, testing our limits, trying to break us. Not everyone made it this far. Do you remember Mortimer? He was the freckled farm boy who asked for my dessert ration in the barracks. He used
to sleep with a plush toy and suck his thumb. He was a sweet boy, but maybe not made out to be a soldier. He finally caved in a couple of weeks ago as they had us shred solos with frostbite. He broke down crying to go
home so he was removed. Last I heard he was back home on the farm growing goat phallus shaped carrots. I hope he’s happy.
Today was a big day for all of us. Bernadette can you believe it! We saw the King! Apparently he arrived three days ago to give a speech, but it’s only now that he left the port-a-potty. Oh, how blessed are we? Imagine the
harvest that is to come from this!
We were all told to gather on the courtyard as His Royal Majesty was to speak to us. Oh, Bernadette! The majestic posture was like nothing you’ve ever seen! They played a fanfare on a hundred electric guitars! When he finally uttered his first word many of the fellows wept and a few even wet themselves. We were told that we were finally soldiers in the Royal Army of Avatar Country and that our first mission is starting today!
Bernadette we are shipping out tonight!
The borders have opened and His Royal Majesty Himself is setting out to conquer the world. As He spoke to us the whole Elite Orchestra gathered around him! We have been sent to the barracks to pack!
Bernadette, don’t mourn me! I shall miss you endlessly, but it is for a greater good I leave your side! I am the King’s roadie now! I will write you every chance I get!
From yours truly, your little demonic offspring of steel! / Folke
USA; February 4 in the year of the King
So... much... winning... I’m so stuffed... bloated. No one told me victories would be so filling. Bernadette! If this is war, let there never ever peace! I haven’t fired a single bullet. The only sound of a machine gun comes from the rapid hits on the snare drum! The only screams of agony are the artificial harmonics on electric guitars!
We shall probably meet soon again as nothing is standing in the King’s way. Dedicated to you, my princess, princess, princess of the dawn. / Folke
Somewhere in Europe; April 25 in the year of the King
I am hospitalized, Bernadette. Don’t worry, no limbs are lost and I shall be back on my feet soon. I have been on mosh pit duty for the last few weeks and the performance of the Elite Orchestra drove me to a feverish
pitch. When the sang Let it Burn I could feel the flames in my heart ignite and spread in my blood like lava. Now I am resting as they give me At the Heart of Winter through IV. The upside-down red cross are treating
me very well.
I will write you again once I am back on my feet and reunited with my friends on the March of Time. Kisses from your son of northern darkness! / Folke
Paris; the dawn of June 16 in the year of the King
I am writing you with a heart full of excitement and pride! We’ve hailed and killed across the seven seas, on top of mountains and down in deep valleys, but today is literally going to be a battle for the ages! His Royal Majesty the King has proclaimed that today’s battle shall be recorded for the ages! We will be immortalized! I am writing you just as were are to march to battle. I have been promoted to chief navigator of the crowd surfers so I will have a glorious view of the debauchery.
There is no war fatigue in Avatar Country, for we never lose!
Next time you hear from me it will be as a voice among thousands on vinyl! I shall see you soon my Bernadette! Don’t forget me! / Folke
Future World May 17 in a future year of the King
I am writing to you from the future! The sound of the King and His Elite Orchestra was so powerful at the Battle of Download Paris that it moved the air faster than the speed of light! I don't know how but I woke up on the release date of the King Live In Paris and I can hardly believe what I am seeing. All aging has stopped in Avatar Country. All doctors and nurses are retiring for there are no ailments, so sicknesses left to cure.
Bernadette, we fought the battle to end all wars. There is peace in the world and my soul.
I’ve got your copy in my hands, signed by all five metal gods. I am on my way home and you can expect me to arrive shortly after you read this. I shall see you in a matter of hours Bernadette. Bring out the whips!
I belong to the King and to You only! / Folke”